Photo Courtesy of Dorothy Cook
By Dorothy Cook
Listen up, heathens. Today we’re going to talk about etiquette. The do’s and don’ts of college life and the repercussions you’ll face if you break the unspoken etiquette rules.
Let’s start with laundry. In most dorms, there is one laundry room for everyone to share. That’s a lot of people’s smelly socks in one area, and lots of loads of laundry to do every week. In Jonathan dorm, there is a laundry room on every floor. Now, when you do a load of laundry, it takes about thirty minutes to wash and an hour to dry, give or take a few minutes. With that in mind, we also have to consider that there are other people waiting for your laundry to be done so that they can do theirs. For the love of all that is good and Holy, set a timer for your laundry. If your laundry is done in the washer, I expect it to be in the dryer within five minutes of the washer being done. If your wet laundry is still in the washer after that five minute grace period, you are what’s wrong with the world. And then for dryers. If your clothes are still warm when you put them in your basket to take back to your room, you’re clear. But if you took so long to get your clothes that your clothes are cold when you take them out of the dryer, expect them to be on top of the dryer when you come to collect your clothes because ain’t nobody got time to wait around for your inconsiderate butt. Be a good person, don’t make everyone else wait for you to move your clothes. It’s rude. And for some students at Concordia, leaving your laundry in the washers or dryers for way too long is equivalent to reminding a professor of homework they forgot to collect.
Next, let’s talk about holding doors. One amazing thing about our community here at Concordia is that everyone holds doors open for everyone. All the time. This is all fine and dandy until someone decides to hold a door open for me and I’m a little too far away which results in me doing that awkward fast walk-run thing so I don’t look like a lazy person. I appreciate the act, I really do. But my awkward fast walk-run is weird for both of us. If I’m right behind you, absolutely, hold the door open, thanks! If I’m a good 10-15 seconds behind you, just let the door close. It’s not worth the awkwardness on either of our parts. You stand there staring at me, waiting for me to get to the door… I fast walk-run and give you an awkward smile… it’s just weird and unnecessary.
Finally, quiet hours. This one gets me heated. Anyone that really knows me knows that Dorothy is a pretty chill person unless you mess with her food or her sleep. Do not touch my snacks and do not interfere with my sleep. That’s about it for me. Now, I understand that the walls in our lovely dorms are quite thin and it can be difficult to accommodate your neighbors all the time. Quiet hours during the week starts at 10pm. If I can hear your conversation through the wall at 10:30 while I am trying to get to sleep, we have a problem. Some of us require 8 solid hours of beauty sleep or we’ll wake up looking like the Wicked Witch of the West, and nobody wants that. My beef is really with the stomping above me. I am fully aware that the ceiling is a 2 millimeter thin piece of wood. I get that. However, if your monster footsteps shake my cup of water on my desk after 10pm..oh boy. I am not above texting my RA and having your RA tell you to take quiet steps. This is common courtesy, friends. Everyone knows that the people below you can hear you drop a feather. After quiet hours, please take off your clogs and put on your slippers.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk on etiquette. No advice shirt or pillow today because this isn’t advice, it’s a warning. Follow the etiquette rules and nobody gets hurt (for legal reasons that is not a threat, just advice).